So may I reintroduce to you…

Squinting through the dispersing mist, the rust coloured Rip takes in his opponents.
He’d hoped to get another shot at the Apocalyptians, but these strange, freak/angel creatures would do.
The frail looking Twinkle looks up at her Dragon-born husband with her elven eyes. His pride is one of the reasons she loves him, but it’s also the cause of so many of their battles.
A low muttering below draws their attention to their new dwarven teammate. Porkins hasn’t said much since their introduction. It’s obvious though, that he’s also got something to prove.
And standing in front of them all, his teeth bared, is the tiefling Belial. It’s quite apparent though that he’s there purely for the thrill of the fight.

Belial of the Tiger

After their last, disastrous battle, Belial rounds on his leader.
“What do you mean ‘they won fair and square’?”
Vorland, with the look of an old wolf, ready to die, simply sighs.
“We did our best and they slaughtered us. What else is there to say?”
Mastema and Azazel don’t even bother to look up.
“We didn’t lose because they were better than us. We lost because of your poor leadership!”
Vorland merely shrugs.
“Perhaps you’re right, but what does it matter now?”
Belial sticks his bottom lip out.
“We were too cocky. We were so busy talking trash and shagging each other, that we didn’t bother to train. We weren’t hungry enough.”
Vorland lets his head fall again. “Look, we’re out. If you want to carry on fine, but you’ll need to find a new team. A more balanced team that can’t all be taken down by the same opponent.”
Standing up, Belial ponders his erstwhile leader's comment for a moment... “I think I may know exactly the right people.”

Best out of three?

Gah!

Attack of Incompetence

As expected, Team Apocalypse battle furiously and the four Hellrazors are sliced open by swords and scolded by primal spells.
Vorland and Belial frantically try to defend themselves while reviving the already unconscious Azazel and Mastema.
A fortunate miss from Pestilence allows a counter attack that leaves the Shaman leader down…
The four Tieflings laugh in joyous celebration.
‘Now everyone, let’s teleport the fuck out of h….’
Too slow in thought, Famine rushes in and slices Belial, Mastema and Azazel with a truly mountainous attack.
A perfect attack.
Mastema and Azazel are downed and Belial severely wounded.
Through gritted teeth, Belial chokes out ‘Bastard!’.

Time for Revenge

Last time these evil bastards had knocked him out before he could do anything.
He had underestimated them last time.
Won't happen again.
Time for revenge was near.

He followed Pestilence round the corner. He had no idea where these devils were, but trusted Pestilence's powers. Only few people could keep out of Pestilence's spirit companions' sight.
He was halfway between the two walls when the first crossbow bolt flew past. Pestilence had told them to stay inside the walls until these devils were close enough together to be attacked all at once, but his anger grew too fast.
Enclosing the two devils in golden fairy fire, he could hear Pestilence sigh from near the tree. He just wanted to throw her an apologetic glance when he noticed the eagle already bearing down on one of his targets. These creatures from hell were still far away from the wall in the open, but why should they wait? The devils got lucky the first time, they clearly had the power to crush them wherever they are on the battlefield.

A bit further away, Famine looked through a gap in the wall and could see all four victims clearly. With his left hand he was holding the lions fur surrounding Death's neck, to keep him from running out alone again. After the last two battles, Pestilence had made it quite clear that is was his task to make Death stick to the plan. His knuckles were already white and Death clearly not willing to wait any longer.
He could see the golden light of War's fairy fire and let go of the fur. Seems that it was time and while the fairy fire distracted the two females they might get easy hits on them. He could hear the roar building up behind him and also started running. He was about half way, when something hit him and almost made him miss his hit. He pulled the broadsword out of the female's body and tried to hit again, but some magic distracted him. He could hear Death's broadsword coming down hard on the other female who had killed his brother the last time when suddenly both devils vanished.
Annoyed, he looked around and saw them materialising again near Pestilence. For a second he was shocked and wanted to run to protect his mother, but then he saw the smiles on War's and Pestilence's face. Seems as if they had everything under control.

He turned around and tapped Death on the shoulder who was more than annoyed that his target had just vanished into thin air in front of him and also seemed to ponder whether to come to Pestilence's rescue. When the massive barbarian looked at him he pointed over Death's shoulder where two devils were standing within a few feet of them.
"Pestilence is fine, but can you remember these two? How about we split them evenly"

Before he could finish the last word, Death was already on his way shouting back
"Only if there is something left by the time you are there..."

Turning tides

Sprinting forward, the four manic Tieflings fire at the only target they can see. Two accursed crossbow bolts sail toward Pestilences ethereal Spirit Eagle. The first misses by a wide margin but the second passes through it, while releasing its accursed power. The Spirit Eagle is disrupted and disappears. A hundred feet away, Pestilence gasps in pain. Of the others, only the Druid is spotted just as he’s about to duck behind a ruined wall. Mastema fires a reactive shot off, but just misses.
Then the Druid: War turns and smiles.
The four Warlocks frown in response at the realization that they may have just rushed into a trap.
War sends a powerful wave of primal energy at the scantily dressed Tiefling females.
They are both caught, but one only glancingly.
Then the Shaman: Pestilence re-summons her Spirit Eagle and sends it into the still reeling Mastema.
Taking full advantage of their opportunity, they both strike again, leaving Mastema seriously injured.
The remaining two Warlocks: Belial and Vorland realise with an icy trickle of fear down their backs, that the two Human warriors are about to charge from their covered position.
They also realise that a group as organized as the Humans are going to try and take out the weakest of them.
Moving into a better position, the two male Tieflings wait.
Sure enough, Famine: the Human Warden breaks from cover and charges at the injured Mastema.
Belial envelopes him in Witchfire as he passes. This flaming mass, envelopes him and spoils his aim, causing him to falter. Two hits but minor ones. Undeterred he tries again, but, with flame in his eyes, misses with his massive sword.
Death: the Barbarian also rushes forward only to be covered in Witchfire by Vorland. On seeing the effect, he slows down and turns instead toward the two male Tieflings.
Vicious, even in pain, Azazel and Mastema teleport away from the Human Warden and the Spirit Eagle causing them some harm.
Famine in slightly hurt but the Eagle is disrupted again.
Azazel is slowed by War’s early attack, but just manages to blast Pestilence with a minor blow.
Mastema, despite being bloodied, follows her teammate and teleports into the middle of the pond close to War and Pestilence. Once within range, she laughs as she blasts the female Shaman leader of Team Apocalypse...
Miss!
Bollocks!
With a sinking feeling, Mastema watches Pestilence’s smile widen.

Changing sides

Appearing in a burst of sulphurous smoke and flames, the four demonic combatants gaze around themselves.
They had appeared at the opposite end from the last time they faced the apocalyptic humans.
Vorland smiles at each of his team in turn.
Now is the time for thought.
Now is the time for strategy.
Now is the time for cleverness.
…
Fuck it!
Watching the humans run for the cover of the ancient ruins, the four Hellrazors’ charge forward, firing their crossbows indiscriminately and laughing.

Hellrazors vs Team Apocalypse II

A gout of flame wakens Vorland from his slumber. Sliding out of both the bed and the still sleeping Mastema, he pads naked to the beacon.
It’s been a while, but they are being summoned once more to the field of battle. Of all the teams that they’d fought, only the Humans had tested them.
He had been conceited and arrogant and the Humans had taught him a vital lesson.
A lesson he’d applied to every subsequent engagement…
Never underestimate your opponents.
Thanks to that, the Warpigs, the Knighty Knights and even the Denim recruits had been dethorned.
Looking deep into the flames, Vorland smiles.
It seems his Hellrazors’ are to be given another chance.
The humans it seems, were also able to brush aside their competition and so the gods have demanded a rematch.
Standing naked and proud, Vorland strides back to the three sleeping Tieflings.
Shaking them roughly, Vorland shouts: ‘Wake up my fine fiends. It seems that tonight we'll finally get to shaft somebody other than eachother!’

Another one bites the dust

Another team falls to the unstoppable killing machine that is Team Apocalypse!
Great battle though. Probably the best one so far.

So who's next?

Will Dag's Denim recruits dare face Sven's all-conquering Team Apocalypse?
Only a victory from Dag can stop Sven winning the league.

The league table does a disservice to both the Knighty knights and the Warpigs.
Both have zero points from two battles, but I'd have to admit at feeling lucky to have beaten them.
With six points still available, both can come a respectable third.

Actually, Dag's Denim recruits can still actually win the league...

A Battle Worth Many Songs

The dust slowly settled and Pestilence looked around, breathing heavily. Just a moment ago, she had struck the amazonian archer down after she had gathered all her remaining power to deal one last blow. The sun was setting and in the reddish glow she could see War slowly sinking onto his knee, barely keeping himself upright. Famine slowly walked towards her, both his sword and his body dripping with blood. He had lost one of the horns of the ram's skull he wore as a helmet and blood was running slowly out of the long cuts in the hide he was wearing.
As she turned her head a bit more, she could see the bare-chested body of her youngest son lying on the ground. Almost a whole quiver worth of arrows was sticking in his body, casting long shadows on the blood-soaked ground around him. It had been a hard test the spirits had taken them through. Almost too hard.

They had taken early hits from the two female archers whose range seemed almost unlimited and whose arrows were as deadly as Death's blade. She tried to get the images of the battle in her head in order. A misunderstanding between Death and Famine had brought Death close to his end early in the battle, but she had managed to bring him back to his feet with the help of Famine. She herself had gone down and could remember War administering her a potion to get her back to her feet. Even Famine, her oldest and by far strongest son was knocked unconscious by one of the paladin's mighty blows. The spirits must have truly favoured them. Pestilence could not explain otherwise how she and her sons had survived this slaughter.

Another image of the paladins and her two sons lying on the grounds, fighting each other as fiercely as if they are standing, came to her mind. She shook her head while she was walking towards the amazonian ranger. She looked at the shattered body while her eagle silently landed next to her. She kneeled down next to the body and looked at it for a while, then closed her eyes. A few minutes passed while she was murmuring spells as old as live itself. When she opened her eyes again she looked up to her two sons who had closed in.
"We have won this battle and passed the test the spirits had set up for us. They are pleased with your victory!" They could feel raw power floating through their bodies, healing their wounds and giving them strength. They could see Death getting up to his feet again, his wounds slowly closing. "Today we fought the strongest opponents so far. They have proven themselves worthy of our respect and we will honour them as it is due for heroes!"
Her sons nodded in agreement and silently left to gather the bodies of the fallen opponents.

Half an hour later, the flames were eating through the four wooden piles and reached high up into the dark sky. The four bodies, cleaned and wrapped into their armour with their weapons on their chest, burned slowly, while the chants of Pestilence were the only sounds in the night. Songs that asked the spirits to take those bodies and grant their souls a place in the eternal forests of the great hunter. Songs telling the story of a battle so fierce that the gods themselves will listen to them in their great halls for a long time.

Tenacity thou art painful to watch

Epic battle round 4 about to begin...

The Knighty knights lost one of their number but made a bold counter attack. Unfortunately they failed to finish off Team Apocalypse’s leader.
Despite being one man/tiefling down though, the Knighty knights are hanging on in there...

RIP the Knighty Knights or Death to Team Apocalypse

On the eve of the third and possibly last round of Assif’s and Sven’s Epic battle, the situation is grim…
Both ways…
This has been an amazingly equal battle with the victory easily going either way.
Currently Team Apocalypse are on top, but a quick and hard counter attack from the Knighty Knights could instantly change everything back again.
So far this has been a battle of brute strength rather than subtlety. Perhaps the time for tactics has arrived?

Team Apocalypse vs The Knighty Knights

Team Apocalypse's challenge begins in earnest.
Looking at the scoreboard they're currently running equal to the Hellrazors.
If they beat The Knighty Knights only the Denim recruits can stop him claiming the cup!
Saying that, despite losing their first match, the Knighty Knights are also capable of winning over all.
As are The Denim Recruits.
In fact even the War Pigs could claim second place...
Suddenly the Hellrazor's don't feel so cocky.
:(

Maybe the Final Joust

The three primal warriors stood around Pestilence in silent excitement. She was kneeling in a stone circle on top of the small hill which she used to commune with the spirits.
The warriors could feel the raw primal power flowing through this place. Powerful spirits were close!

Suddenly her eyes opened, showing only the whites of her eyes. She started smiling.
"The spirits have spoken! They can see four knights in shiny armour; Two that wield their sword with divine devotion and two that can strike at a distance. They will enter the arena in the evening of the 33rd day after the winter solstice. The gods expect our presence!"
Her eyes turned back to normal and she slowly stood up. Death looked at her
"So! Paladins and rangers, then? Sweet! Can I take the paladins? They are always so eager to die!"
Both War and Famine looked at each other, eyes rolling.
Famine, taking his sword and putting his hand on Death' shoulder, started to smile
"Just make sure this time that you don't 'trip' again while attacking them, ok?"
War started laughing but with a more serious voice added
"Let's just make sure those rangers don't get too annoying. All in all, we should be back for dinner. We still have some pork roast leftover!"

Epic battle league shows the challenger…

Sven’s ‘Team Apocalypse’ won a surrender from Josh’s surviving two Warpigs.
It was down to a brutal initial assault that scored the victory.
The Warpigs made it a hard won battle though.

So Team Apocalypse climb the ladder to second place. Two more victories and they’ll go top!

Who’ll Sven challenge next?
Dag’s Denim recruits or Assif’s Knighty knights?

As for my Hellrazors…
Scott, Hagen, fancy a kick about?

Aporkalypse: A Slow Roast

Famine sighed when the fighter lying in front of his feet opened his eyes again and shouted to Death "Why won't he just die?"

The fight with Francis Bacon had taken its toll of the two primal swordsmen. Death had just managed to stand up again after a blow from the Warpig's defender had knocked him unconscious. Clearly less in rage he had managed to get back to full health with Pestilence's help before another hit of the cleric had injured him again. Francis Bacon who likewise was kept alive by his cleric also had just come back to life again after War's fire hawk had knocked him out. All fighters seemed to get tired and the attacks less powerful but apart from aching muscles Famine was still without a scratch and his thundering attacks still hitting hard. Famine looked over his shoulder to War who seemed to move in on the cleric. Good! Somebody had to get the dwarf busy or they could be here till after sunset playing knock-the-fighting-tumbler-down.

Famine looked at Death again. He had been afraid that his friend could have bitten off more again than he could chew, but the Barbarian looked healthy and focused again. With the help of Pestilence's eagle spirit they would be able now to deal ever increasingly strong blows. The seconds of the fighter should be counted! He could feel the primal power building up behind him again. Pestilence was still going strong and with her the spirit. A combined attack again should be enough to finally end this battle and keep the cleric for dessert! With the help of the primal power emanating from the spirit, Death's sword rose again and the well-known smile came back to his face when he looked down onto his prone opponent.....

Aporkalypse: Starter and Antipasti

The head of Reggie McGammon's head rolled past Famine's feet and he followed it with his eyes for a while before looking at Death. His friend had an evil grin while he licked the blood of his fullblade "Tastes like chicken!" It had only taken him one hit to slice the Halfling in two and Famine could tell that Death now was on a mission.
Pestilence just moved round the corner to look at the first dead opponent when she could see the wizard appearing behind Death in the distance. A magic force orb hit death from the side who roared with rage. Famine started to run around the corner towards the Deva and could also see War moving the same direction. The Deva had made the mistake to stay away from his comrades and presented an easy target.
A javelin shot past Famine's face and he could see the Goliath appearing in between the trees together with the cleric. He could see Pestilence's eagle darting down but the Deva managed to avoid its claws. Famine just thought that they have to get to the Wizard before his friends could when he heard a roar from behind coming closer. Coming closer very fast!! Famine smiled when Death flew past him with a roar while bringing down his sword, planting his fullblade deeply in the Wizard's body. Before Famine could catch up, Death had brought his sword down three times, the Wizard's body lying shattered on the ground in front of him. Famine could see the Deva was still breathing and quickly finished him off with his broadsword. "My kill!"
He smiled at Death who had his blade still raised above his head for the final blow, his bloodshot eyes fixed on Famine in disbelief!

His attention was only diverted when a divine burst from the cleric exploded around Death. Both fighters looked towards the already retreating dwarf and saw Francis Bacon charging towards them. His weapon missed Death who still tried to shake off the effects of the clerics attack. Death demonstratively ignoring the attack from the massive fighter looked over to Famine "This one is mine!" Famine bowed and pointed his hand towards the attacker.
"Be my guest! There seems to be enough meat for both of us!"

[Warpigs lost the rogue and the wizard who both only got one attack of which only the wizard's hit Death. The cleric is 15 squares away, the Goliath is next to Famine and Death with Pestilence and War in range . Team Apokalypse is fully healed again next turn and apart from Pestilence all still have their action point and most major powers remaining. Chances are, they won't be late for dinner! All get a turn before the fighter's turn....]

Aporkalypse: The Preparation

"Look at them! Looking at the big guy we might need bigger skewers!"
Death had to chuckle because of his own joke and looked to Famine
"Maybe you won't be hungry anymore after tonight, brother!"
With this sentence he burst out in laughter and took a deep breath when Famines elbow buried itself deep in his side.
Pestilence looked over to the opponent's corner. "Don't underestimate them. There is a Deva amongst them and the dwarf looks like he is a healer"
"We might have to shave him before the roast, you won't be able to get all the hairs out of your teeth!" Pestilence gave War a sharp look who immediately shut up.
"Ok, everybody knows what they have to do. Stay together and do what the spirits have taught us! In the name of the great spirits: Let's move!"

With the command by Pestilence the group started moving towards the ruins. The battlefield had been changed since they'd last been summoned and it now granted more cover. They moved quickly through the ruins, out of sight of the enemy. Pestilence closed her eyes and called forth a spirit of an eagle to fly though the open areas and look for the enemy who also had vanished. Soon she spotted them behind trees moving upwards. She waved the others to stop and whispered "They move up north! But I can only spot three of them. The small one is missing!"
She looked around a bit more and suddenly the eagle spotted the Halfling just on the other side of the wall. She'd just tried to signal Death and Famine when the Halfling came through a doorway and looked into Death's smiling face. The small rogue staggered back and tried to attack Death who just shrugged it off, his smile widening. Before Death was able to lift his massive fullblade, he could see War's firehawk appearing above the opponent's head, attacking with his claws. The hawk was trained to hover above its opponent after the strike and attack as soon as another opportunity presented itself. Death had his fullblade above his head and prepared to run when a massive blow from Famine, who had charged through the building, almost took the Halfling off his feet.
Death looked annoyed! He had found the Halfling! Feeling the rage building up inside him, he darted forward, his sword in full swing..........

[Day one over, mostly moving until the rogue encountered Team Apocalypse in the ruins and unfortunately far away from his friends. He managed to survive an at-will range attack by War and a charge by Famine but already took damage (14 I think) and the chances of them coming to his help before Death is upon him are slim to none]

Pork a la Apocalypse

Death looked up when Pestilence entered the room. From how the tendrils were moving he could tell she was excited. Also Famine had noticed it and turned his head to face her.
"Get up boys! The spirits have spoken to me and I can smell bacon in our near future!"
Death raised an eyebrow and looked at Famine who looked confused as well.
A skull of a ram came through the small door at the back of the room, followed by the rest of War.
"Bacon? Did somebody say something about bacon?"
Pestilence started smiling "Now that I have your full attention: We have been challenged again! After these devils got away with a draw last time because of War's failure to dodge a few blasts and Death's inability to hit a barn with a fullblade, the Gods give us another chance to finally show the spirits that we are worth their trust!"
Death jumped up and darted towards Pestilence the fullblade in full swing. Pestilence turned her head and looked towards Death. "Yes?"
"..."
"I thought so!"
The fullblade's tip dropped to the ground and the massive shape of Death trudged back to the table, the dislodged skull of the lion on his head hanging on one side. Pestilence could hear him mumble to his sword after he sat down again with his sword on his lap. "Yes, I know she is wrong, but do you want to speak up against her?" She smiled.

"So get ready. We will be summoned soon and I promised the spirits that we will put the new powers to good use!"
"But what does all of that have to do with bacon? And what are the challengers called?"
Pestilence looked at War and started smiling
"Warpigs!"

Five minutes later she could still hear the laughs thundering through the forest. Time to look for a good recipe......