Team Black!

So may I reintroduce to you…

Squinting through the dispersing mist, the rust coloured Rip takes in his opponents.
He’d hoped to get another shot at the Apocalyptians, but these strange, freak/angel creatures would do.
The frail looking Twinkle looks up at her Dragon-born husband with her elven eyes. His pride is one of the reasons she loves him, but it’s also the cause of so many of their battles.
A low muttering below draws their attention to their new dwarven teammate. Porkins hasn’t said much since their introduction. It’s obvious though, that he’s also got something to prove.
And standing in front of them all, his teeth bared, is the tiefling Belial. It’s quite apparent though that he’s there purely for the thrill of the fight.

Belial of the Tiger

After their last, disastrous battle, Belial rounds on his leader.
“What do you mean ‘they won fair and square’?”
Vorland, with the look of an old wolf, ready to die, simply sighs.
“We did our best and they slaughtered us. What else is there to say?”
Mastema and Azazel don’t even bother to look up.
“We didn’t lose because they were better than us. We lost because of your poor leadership!”
Vorland merely shrugs.
“Perhaps you’re right, but what does it matter now?”
Belial sticks his bottom lip out.
“We were too cocky. We were so busy talking trash and shagging each other, that we didn’t bother to train. We weren’t hungry enough.”
Vorland lets his head fall again. “Look, we’re out. If you want to carry on fine, but you’ll need to find a new team. A more balanced team that can’t all be taken down by the same opponent.”
Standing up, Belial ponders his erstwhile leader's comment for a moment... “I think I may know exactly the right people.”

Best out of three?

Gah!

Attack of Incompetence

As expected, Team Apocalypse battle furiously and the four Hellrazors are sliced open by swords and scolded by primal spells.
Vorland and Belial frantically try to defend themselves while reviving the already unconscious Azazel and Mastema.
A fortunate miss from Pestilence allows a counter attack that leaves the Shaman leader down…
The four Tieflings laugh in joyous celebration.
‘Now everyone, let’s teleport the fuck out of h….’
Too slow in thought, Famine rushes in and slices Belial, Mastema and Azazel with a truly mountainous attack.
A perfect attack.
Mastema and Azazel are downed and Belial severely wounded.
Through gritted teeth, Belial chokes out ‘Bastard!’.

Time for Revenge

Last time these evil bastards had knocked him out before he could do anything.
He had underestimated them last time.
Won't happen again.
Time for revenge was near.

He followed Pestilence round the corner. He had no idea where these devils were, but trusted Pestilence's powers. Only few people could keep out of Pestilence's spirit companions' sight.
He was halfway between the two walls when the first crossbow bolt flew past. Pestilence had told them to stay inside the walls until these devils were close enough together to be attacked all at once, but his anger grew too fast.
Enclosing the two devils in golden fairy fire, he could hear Pestilence sigh from near the tree. He just wanted to throw her an apologetic glance when he noticed the eagle already bearing down on one of his targets. These creatures from hell were still far away from the wall in the open, but why should they wait? The devils got lucky the first time, they clearly had the power to crush them wherever they are on the battlefield.

A bit further away, Famine looked through a gap in the wall and could see all four victims clearly. With his left hand he was holding the lions fur surrounding Death's neck, to keep him from running out alone again. After the last two battles, Pestilence had made it quite clear that is was his task to make Death stick to the plan. His knuckles were already white and Death clearly not willing to wait any longer.
He could see the golden light of War's fairy fire and let go of the fur. Seems that it was time and while the fairy fire distracted the two females they might get easy hits on them. He could hear the roar building up behind him and also started running. He was about half way, when something hit him and almost made him miss his hit. He pulled the broadsword out of the female's body and tried to hit again, but some magic distracted him. He could hear Death's broadsword coming down hard on the other female who had killed his brother the last time when suddenly both devils vanished.
Annoyed, he looked around and saw them materialising again near Pestilence. For a second he was shocked and wanted to run to protect his mother, but then he saw the smiles on War's and Pestilence's face. Seems as if they had everything under control.

He turned around and tapped Death on the shoulder who was more than annoyed that his target had just vanished into thin air in front of him and also seemed to ponder whether to come to Pestilence's rescue. When the massive barbarian looked at him he pointed over Death's shoulder where two devils were standing within a few feet of them.
"Pestilence is fine, but can you remember these two? How about we split them evenly"

Before he could finish the last word, Death was already on his way shouting back
"Only if there is something left by the time you are there..."

Turning tides

Sprinting forward, the four manic Tieflings fire at the only target they can see. Two accursed crossbow bolts sail toward Pestilences ethereal Spirit Eagle. The first misses by a wide margin but the second passes through it, while releasing its accursed power. The Spirit Eagle is disrupted and disappears. A hundred feet away, Pestilence gasps in pain. Of the others, only the Druid is spotted just as he’s about to duck behind a ruined wall. Mastema fires a reactive shot off, but just misses.
Then the Druid: War turns and smiles.
The four Warlocks frown in response at the realization that they may have just rushed into a trap.
War sends a powerful wave of primal energy at the scantily dressed Tiefling females.
They are both caught, but one only glancingly.
Then the Shaman: Pestilence re-summons her Spirit Eagle and sends it into the still reeling Mastema.
Taking full advantage of their opportunity, they both strike again, leaving Mastema seriously injured.
The remaining two Warlocks: Belial and Vorland realise with an icy trickle of fear down their backs, that the two Human warriors are about to charge from their covered position.
They also realise that a group as organized as the Humans are going to try and take out the weakest of them.
Moving into a better position, the two male Tieflings wait.
Sure enough, Famine: the Human Warden breaks from cover and charges at the injured Mastema.
Belial envelopes him in Witchfire as he passes. This flaming mass, envelopes him and spoils his aim, causing him to falter. Two hits but minor ones. Undeterred he tries again, but, with flame in his eyes, misses with his massive sword.
Death: the Barbarian also rushes forward only to be covered in Witchfire by Vorland. On seeing the effect, he slows down and turns instead toward the two male Tieflings.
Vicious, even in pain, Azazel and Mastema teleport away from the Human Warden and the Spirit Eagle causing them some harm.
Famine in slightly hurt but the Eagle is disrupted again.
Azazel is slowed by War’s early attack, but just manages to blast Pestilence with a minor blow.
Mastema, despite being bloodied, follows her teammate and teleports into the middle of the pond close to War and Pestilence. Once within range, she laughs as she blasts the female Shaman leader of Team Apocalypse...
Miss!
Bollocks!
With a sinking feeling, Mastema watches Pestilence’s smile widen.

Changing sides

Appearing in a burst of sulphurous smoke and flames, the four demonic combatants gaze around themselves.
They had appeared at the opposite end from the last time they faced the apocalyptic humans.
Vorland smiles at each of his team in turn.
Now is the time for thought.
Now is the time for strategy.
Now is the time for cleverness.
…
Fuck it!
Watching the humans run for the cover of the ancient ruins, the four Hellrazors’ charge forward, firing their crossbows indiscriminately and laughing.

Hellrazors vs Team Apocalypse II

A gout of flame wakens Vorland from his slumber. Sliding out of both the bed and the still sleeping Mastema, he pads naked to the beacon.
It’s been a while, but they are being summoned once more to the field of battle. Of all the teams that they’d fought, only the Humans had tested them.
He had been conceited and arrogant and the Humans had taught him a vital lesson.
A lesson he’d applied to every subsequent engagement…
Never underestimate your opponents.
Thanks to that, the Warpigs, the Knighty Knights and even the Denim recruits had been dethorned.
Looking deep into the flames, Vorland smiles.
It seems his Hellrazors’ are to be given another chance.
The humans it seems, were also able to brush aside their competition and so the gods have demanded a rematch.
Standing naked and proud, Vorland strides back to the three sleeping Tieflings.
Shaking them roughly, Vorland shouts: ‘Wake up my fine fiends. It seems that tonight we'll finally get to shaft somebody other than eachother!’

Another one bites the dust

Another team falls to the unstoppable killing machine that is Team Apocalypse!
Great battle though. Probably the best one so far.

So who's next?

Will Dag's Denim recruits dare face Sven's all-conquering Team Apocalypse?
Only a victory from Dag can stop Sven winning the league.

The league table does a disservice to both the Knighty knights and the Warpigs.
Both have zero points from two battles, but I'd have to admit at feeling lucky to have beaten them.
With six points still available, both can come a respectable third.

Actually, Dag's Denim recruits can still actually win the league...

Team Apocalypse vs The Knighty Knights

Team Apocalypse's challenge begins in earnest.
Looking at the scoreboard they're currently running equal to the Hellrazors.
If they beat The Knighty Knights only the Denim recruits can stop him claiming the cup!
Saying that, despite losing their first match, the Knighty Knights are also capable of winning over all.
As are The Denim Recruits.
In fact even the War Pigs could claim second place...
Suddenly the Hellrazor's don't feel so cocky.
:(

Demonican standoff

Hunkering down with their backs pressed against the rough stone walls, the four Tieflings start to sweat.
‘Do you really think they’ll come in after us?’ whispers Belial.
‘It would be a massive mistake on their part’ responds Mastema through gritted teeth.
Seconds turn into minutes and Vorland call over the wall offering another chance of surrender.
It’s possibly that it’s this that alerts the sharp-eared Eladrin to their position.
He’s there in a moment, but as soon as Mastema sees him, she rushes forward.
It was only a glimpse, but screaming in rage, she barrels through the gap in the ruined masonry.
As soon as sees the Eladrin though, she’s hit by a blast of draconic power as the tiny Sorceress takes her opportunist shot.
Fortunately Mastema’s saved by her own demonic protective wards.
In a blind fury she sends two blasts of power at the startled looking Warlord. The first misses, but the second does not.
Belial sees her go and also charges forward.
He sees the Halfling and the Eladrin but not the Half-Orc…
A single arrow glances off his own magical protective shell.
The distance is quite far so he’s forced to run, but as soon as he gets to them, he summons up a void to Hell, passes through it and leaves the two Denim recruits to enjoy the following implosion.
Then Vorland sprints forward.
Two more blasts of energy leaves the Eladrin down!
All three of the attacking Tieflings feel their bodies lighten and float back out of danger.
Not to be left out though, Azazel rushes forward into the space left by her teammate’s sudden departure.
She fires her most powerful spell at the still standing Halfling.
The hellish witchfire should throw off her aim…
Miss!
Her second blast finds it’s target though and the sneering little Sorceress goes down…
Floating back in misty form, Azazel hears the Half-Orcs angry voices.
Puffing and wheezing from the exertion, Vorland realises that, despite the loss of half their team, the Orcs still have the advantage…
Hoping that they’ll be reasonable, he offers the ‘Draw?’

Surrender is so impassé

Vorland sighs deeply as he absently pats Azazel’s pert bottom.
Confident that the echoes provided by the ruins will disguise his position, he calls over the wall to offers the annoying Halfling tart another chance.
‘If we cannot arrange a draw, then we’re at an impasse. Our Warlock magic can’t compete with the range of your bows and you're no match for us close up.
So it comes down to this. If you wish your deaths, by all means, keep moving forward, but be fully aware that we’re happy to wait here all day.’

Whore of Attrition

After backing up into the stone ruins and healing Azazel and Vorland’s wounds, the Tieflings stop for breath.
Azazel looks amazed.
‘They don’t want the draw?’
Belial looks bemused.
‘They’re going to chase us down?’
Mastema looks muddled.
‘They think they can win?’
And Vorland looks vexed.
‘Fuckity! This is the longest any of our battles have ever lasted and we’ve only fired a single crossbow bolt between us!’
Azazel stops to think.
‘It’s that Halfling bitch. She’s actually got a plan and they’re sticking to it.’
Vorland grinds his teeth.
‘I hate it when the enemy actually thinks things through and doesn’t rush straight in. What kind of freaky Orcs are these?’
Mastema hoists her generous bosom.
‘If I’d known it was going to last more than three rounds, I would have put in more training. I’m buggered.’
Belial sniggers.
‘Not now baby, I’m a bit busy. Maybe later if you’re a good girl.’

Dirty cowards

Coming around, Vorland stares up at Belial.
‘Wha?’
‘It’s OK Vorland. You’re OK.’
Azazel whispers to them (despite being several hundred feet away from the Denim recruits and behind cover). ‘What are we going to do? They’re just standing there… With bows!’
‘I know!’ barks back Belial. ‘Cowardly bastards have retreated to the far corner!’
Vorland props himself up onto his elbows. ‘We can’t stay here though… That is, unless we want to call the draw?’

It’s getting harder

For possibly the first time in his life, the hedonistic Vorland looks pensive.
‘What’s wrong pookie’, asks Mastema.
‘It’s our next opponents. They’re a group of non-human Strikers.’
‘So?’
‘So… That’s our advantage gone!’
Azazel and Belial join the conversation.
‘Are they all spell casters?’
‘No, but two of them are Rangers. We were lucky to beat the last two.’
‘Two more Rangers!’
‘What of the other two?’
‘Well, one’s a Sorceress and the other’s a Warlord.’
‘A Warlord? Warlords aren't Strikers!’
Vorland’s face brightens.
‘Damn, you’re right! What was I worrying for?’
With beaming smiles, the four naked Tiefling’s joyously return to their prior fornication.

A Knight in Hell

Four friends, two brothers, two sisters, two couples. A tight knit group used to fighting for each other, their strengths complement each other. They can fight hand-to-hand or from range, they can heal each other and dispense awesome damage.

But, they were not expecting the sheer ferocity of destruction and evil meted out by four of hells lieutenants. Un-earthly aberrations blood-thirsty and cowardly.

As the friends approached the battle field, they saw the evil degenerates at the far corner. To the right were trees, to the left massive ruins. The cowards, of course made their way to cover and the friends decided that they should engage them sooner than later.

This was the first of their mistakes. The warlocks clearly had been here before and moved around the space with ease. The brothers Rip and Van moved slowly but Winkle and Twinkle moving quickly did not want to leave their hearts behind.

Soon they found themselves in an poor position, their movements hampered by the walls and lakes. Still, as soon as the demons were espied the girls fired arrow after arrow at them in full assaults. The dogs responded and the brave ranger Twinkle sadly took the full force of the eye-bite and witch-fire and was soon unconscious. Winkle managed to respond and take down one of the demon-seed-females, but to her horror the spiteful evil cowardly devil spawn struck again at her dying sister.

Seeing his lady go down, Rip was incensed and managed to get in a strike at the razors. However, his valour was to be repaid with pain, and his brother's healing hands were not enough to keep him going.

Each time brave soldiers channelled Kord's divine might into massive damage, the Tiefling would down another potion and be healed. Likewise Winkle. - their efforts were not enough as their enemy skulked around the battle field never engaging in valiant combat as should be right. Soon Rip was down too.

Van eventually succumbed to the assault in the most evil manner. The hell-spawn of dogs' most cowardly tactic? To move to engage the honourable paladin, then immediately step with a demon stride away though another plane to reappear far away, leaving a bolt of fire to rend him asunder; without any opportunity to strike back. Utterly Evil.

Winkle eventually found herself alone with just two of the slime remaining standing - maybe she still had a chance. But before she could do anything more, they had healed each other and were about to descend on her.

She knew then, it was all over.

Hellrazors vs. Knighty Knights: Results

Appearing in a gout of flame, the four Tiefling Warlocks look around themselves.
At the opposite corner, far in the distance, they can see their opposition.
Two heavily armoured Dragonborn Paladins and two lightly armoured Human Rangers.
Female Human Rangers…
Belial smiles.
He likes Human Females.
Beautiful and they taste like chicken.
Running as fast as they can, the Hellrazors charge toward the cover afforded by the stone ruins. They can’t allow those two archers to use their range advantage.
Fortunately the Dragonborn Paladins are slowed down by their armour and the Rangers don’t seem to want to separate themselves from them.
Creeping forward and running between cover, Azazel is the first to spot the enemy.
‘Hmmm, Ranger or Paladin?’
It’s a dilemma. The Paladins have the ability to heal with a touch, but the Rangers can score massive damage from miles away…
Ultimately it comes down to competition.
That Human bitch is far too pretty and she saw Belial's look of desire.
‘Die Bitch!’ Azazel screams as she releases a burst of psychic energy.
Unbelievably, considering the skill she has and the short distance, she misses.
Soon the battle is joined by the Dragonborns and the other archer.
Azazel, Belial and Mastema are all hurt by multiple arrows, but they manage to stay out of the way of the Dragonborn Paladins.
Then the archer targeted by Azazel in the beginning is hit from three blasts of arcane energy. With no will to resist, she falls to the ground only to be blasted again by Vorland.
Vorland’s brow creases for a moment before he smiles broadly.
‘Die puny mortal!’
Her team-mates are enraged and the Dragonborns blast several of the Hellrazors with their acid breath as they close the distance.
The other archer takes advantage of the confusion and shoots multiple arrows at Azazel.
The Rangers skill is phenomenal and the sultry Warlock goes down, pieced in several places.
‘Bitch!’ Screams Belial. ‘No-one pierces Azazel but me! ... And Vorland!’
He tries to retaliate but Dragonborns block his way and the surviving archer has cleverly positioned herself to be out of range.
The Dragonborns stifle any attacks against them and frustratingly, constantly heal themselves throughout the battle.
Finally Mastema is able to put one of the durable Paladins down permanently but as she does so, she exposes herself to the Ranger.
It’s only for a moment, but it’s enough. Mastema is hit by several arrows and collapses.
Belial stops in his tracks. ‘That bitch has killed our bitches!’
He runs up to the last Dragonborn and just as he reaches him, teleports towards the last Ranger. The void left behind implodes and takes out the last noble Dragonborn.
‘Brace yourself bitch. Daddy's coming!’
Seeing the evil intent in the Warlocks eyes, she drops her bow and raises her hands…

Four in the bed

Disentangling themselves from each other after their victory orgy, the Hellrazors wash themselves for the upcoming battle.
‘The Knighty knights?’ ponders Vorland out loud as he spies the next challenge.
‘Sound like Paladins to me…’
Looking around, Azazel licks her plump lips and responds.
‘I’ve heard they’ve got a couple of archer Rangers as well.’
Belial looks up.
‘Archers you say? Our previous opponents have all been melee-based combatants. That gave us a strong advantage…’
Mastema’s eye’s start to well up and, looking to their leader, she asks.
‘Are we in trouble?’
Vorland smiles as he answers.
‘Well if we’re to die, does anyone fancy another quickie?’